Data Bark Center
Flops, dazzled by an ad for “barking servers,” drags Dook to Boingo’s Data Bark Center to learn how a data center works. While Boingo explains power, cooling, networking, and storage, Flops misinterprets everything—nearly turning routers into espresso machines and newsletters into existential crises. Dook, meanwhile, embraces dream logic and cable fashion. In the end, Flops is “promoted” back home, and the world of data centers is just a little weirder.
Segment A: TV-PG Pre-Intro Segment
Interior. Flops is sitting on the couch watching a TV ad.
TV Ad (VO): “Need fast storage? Hot servers? Blazing fiber? Come on down to Boingo's Data Bark Center!”
Flops (wide-eyed): Whoa. Servers that bark? We need that.
Dook (holding a toaster): Mine doesn’t bark. But it gets very warm.
Flops (grabbing keys): No time to explain—we’re going digital.
Segment B: TV-PG Intro Segment
Intro plays. Title slams in with digital glitches, then static morphs into barking modems. Dook sips cocoa from a thick floppy disk.
Segment C: TV-PG Story Segment Part 1
Exterior. Flops and Dook arrive at a warehouse-style building. Sign reads: “Boingo’s Data Bark Center – Sniffing Packets Since 2018.”
Boingo (entering with clipboard, tail wagging): You two here for a tour or a Tier-III deployment?
Flops (dead serious): I want to run a data center. Teach me. All of it. Now.
Boingo (smiling warmly): Well bark my packets! Come on in, we’ll start with the chillers.
Dook (touching a vent): This one whispers to me. It’s cold. I like it.
Boingo gives a cheerful but technical overview: power redundancy, air flow, racks, blinking lights. Flops nods like he understands, but clearly doesn’t.
Flops: So if I plug in 400 toasters, does that become a load balancer?
Boingo: ...Sorta. But no.
Segment D: TV-E/I Educational Segment
Animated chalkboard style. Dook and Flops now drawn in simplified form. Boingo appears wearing safety goggles.
Boingo: Alright kids and... foxes, let’s break it down.
- Power: Data centers need steady electricity. We use UPS systems—Uninterruptible Power Supplies!
- Cooling: Servers get hot! We use big fans and cold aisles to keep them cool.
- Networking: Fiber cables carry data fast—faster than Flops running from a fire alarm test.
- Storage: Your cat videos? We got ‘em, backed up three times in three places.
Flops (animated, tries to install toast into a server): This RAID array tastes funny.
Boingo (laughs): That’s not what “redundant array” means, buddy.
Segment E: TV-PG Story Segment Part 2
Back to regular animation. Flops attempts to operate a live rack of servers.
Flops: Okay Dook. If I reroute the BGP over the NAT and ping the DNS, I should—
Sparks fly. Power flickers. Boingo dives in heroically, tail wagging even while holding a fire extinguisher.
Boingo: Nope! Nope! That’s the espresso machine, not the core router!
Dook (writing in a notepad): Note to self. Caffeine uplinks are volatile.
Segment F: TV-PG Story Segment Part 3
Boingo gives Flops a “Data Pup Intern” badge and sits him at a fake helpdesk terminal.
Boingo: Just answer emails. Don’t touch the firewall.
Flops accidentally sends a newsletter to 40,000 addresses titled “Help I Think I’m a Router Now.”
Boingo (deadpan): That’s more engagement than our last three campaigns combined.
Flops: Do I get promoted?
Boingo: I’m promoting you to “go home.”
Dook appears from the server room wearing a cape made of CAT6 cables.
Dook: I’m king of the pings now.
Segment G: Credits Segment
Dook narrates over footage of blinking servers and dogs in lab coats.
Dook (VO): This episode was brought to you by binary dreams and barking machines. Never feed your DNS after midnight.
Segment H: TV-PG After-Credit Segment
Flops opens their fridge. It’s full of rack-mounted drives.
Flops: I backed up the leftovers.
Dook (holding a blinking pickle jar): This one has terabytes of flavor.
They both nod. Freeze frame. Music sting.